Is there a wideness in God’s mercy?

There's a wideness in God's mercy
like the wideness of the sea;
there's a kindness in his justice,
which is more than liberty.
There is welcome for the sinner,
and more graces for the good;
there is mercy with the Savior;
there is healing in his blood.

There is no place where earth's sorrows
are more felt than in heaven;
there is no place where earth's failings
have such kind judgment given.
There is plentiful redemption
in the blood that has been shed;
there is joy for all the members
in the sorrows of the Head.

For the love of God is broader
than the measure of man's mind;
and the heart of the Eternal
is most wonderfully kind.
If our love were but more faithful,
we should take him at his word;
and our life would be thanksgivingf
or the goodness of the Lord.

Most of the time, I want to believe the words of this hymn. Most of the time, I do believe the words of this hymn. But there are times when it makes me want to throw up. Thursday before last was one of those days, and there have been several since.

My mom and dad sold their condominium and moved to an assisted living apartment five or six years ago when the work of being her full-time caretaker got to be too much for my dad. Mostly it was the transfers from bed to wheelchair to couch to shower that went beyond his strength. When he was 50, he could have picked her up bodily, but now he was in his late 70s.

Her peripheral neuropathy finally progressed to the point that even an assisted living apartment wasn’t enough. My mom had to move to the healthcare section (read nursing home) of the facility where they lived. They both hoped the move would be temporary, but it wasn’t. Peripheral neuropathy was complicated by incontinence and increasing dementia, and she became a permanent resident. So then dad would go down to her room and have the aides put her in a wheelchair so he could take her up to his apartment. Then he would transfer her to the sofa so they could listen to music or watch television. In the process of one of those transfers, they both fell. My dad broke his hip and my mother broke her wrist.

My father died in January. He was my mother’s anchor to the present. Without him there every waking moment, her dementia worsened rapidly. With her in Kansas, my brother in Portland and me here in Ohio, that situation couldn’t last. I have been trying for three months to get a place for her here. That finally came to pass last week and she had a going away party at the facility in Kansas before the transport company picked her up at 8 p.m. The reasoning behind that decision was that she could sleep much of the 14-hour trip.

At her going away party, she was upbeat and looking forward to being back here with her family. At 11:30 the next morning, things had changed. She knew who she was, but she had forgotten everything else. She was fit to be tied, furious, manic. Her neuropathy has left her physically very frail, and about the only weapons she has left are words. She was using them liberally with the folks at the new facility. At one point, she yelled at me, “I hate you, you son of a bitch!” I think she meant it at that point. Words are sometimes more hurtful weapons than swords.

If she asked me once, she asked me a hundred times, “Did Basil die?” She raised me to believe that honesty is the best, actually the only, policy. So I would tell her, “Yes.” Then she would ask, “When did that happen?” When I told her, “Three months ago,” she asked, “Why didn’t anybody tell me?” or “Why did you wait so long to tell me?” Now I find out that honesty isn’t necessarily the best approach with people who have dementia. After things began to sink in, then she started to ask, “Am I crazy?” My answer to that was, of course, “No.” I didn’t elaborate on that answer though, because how do you distinguish between “crazy” and “suffering from a little dementia” to someone who is?

So where is the wideness in God’s mercy here? I’m really looking and I want to find it, but I can’t. It is making me testy and cranky. Having to deal with something like this is one reason I have so little patience with folks who think the world’s problems revolve around having women for bishops and gay people for priests. They don't know what real problems are. There are much more important things to concern ourselves with than that. There are worse things than death; why should I care about the gender or sexual orientation of clergy? Sheesh! Give me a break.

My mother was good enough to give me birth. She was good enough to nurse me and change my diapers. She was good enough to teach me how to be a good person. My failure to live up to the ideal was my fault, not hers. She was good enough to be my dad’s life-long companion. She’s not good enough for a holy end-of-life?

Where is that wideness?

Who knew?

I'm tired of being serious. How about a little fun? I took the test linked to here, and I'm a Labrador Retriever. Wow! Who knew? From the description of Labs over on dogster.com, it says:

Labradors are people-oriented dogs, always ready for a jog around the neighborhood, a strenuous hike or an endless game of fetch. Labs are reliable, willing and patient. They love nothing more than activity and attention. Lacking many personality pitfalls, Labs are not especially aggressive, territorial, whiny, sulky or destructive. Labs are easily trained, being naturally patient and obedient, but they are probably not the best guard dogs. Despite an alert instinct and an excellent sense of smell, they tend to be more friendly than aggressive with people they don’t know. Also, Labs are not particularly noisy, barking only at unknown sounds, yet they’ll often bark protectively when someone approaches your home. Around the house, Labs are animated and good-natured, playing well with children and other dogs. They like to be involved in family occasions, joining social gatherings in an easygoing way, and they are pretty good about sharing and respecting space.

Sounds like me to me.

Visited by Anonymous

I used to think that Anonymous was nothing more than a gutless wonder. The day before yesterday, however, I found out who Anonymous really is. Anonymous is not an individual, but is, rather, a family. The patriarch is John Doe; the matriarch is Jane Doe. For years, they have been able to hide the fact that they are brother and sister, not husband and wife. As is usually the case with incestuous hook-ups, their offspring are transmogrifying into drooling swamp things, freelance racists, misogynists, homophobes and brownshirts in clerical collars.

Until the day before yesterday, I had a post on this blog about one of my clients. Then Anonymous visited three times and threatened both my client and me because of the content of the post. I'm not very worried about myself because if you try to get something from someone who has nothing, that's pretty much what you get. I would never intentionally cause problems for any of my clients however, so I took the post down.

My client is a religious organization. (Don't ask which one; if I told you, it would out Anonymous. Don't ask who Anonymous is; if I told you, they wouldn't be anonymous anymore, now would they?) Anonymous has a theological bone to pick with my client (and with me for that matter). Anonymous's theology happens to be all about "correct" belief and "correct" practice, whatever "correct" means. I guess Anonymous doesn't think it would be politic, polite or practical to discuss those differences in public, so they hide behind the curtain of nondisclosure and, well, anonymity.

Their theology of right belief and practice is a hard, judgmental and unforgiving one. That kind of theology is our form of incest in these times. It is our idolatry and our insanity. Legalism is its cult. It should hardly be necessary to say, but I will anyway, that by "legalism" I mean a theology that puts itself above Christ and above the principles of love of God and neighbor. Legalism is not a loving interest in the body of Christ that is concerned with everyone’s spiritual and physical welfare; it is an overriding obsession with its own power over other people. Just as the love for one individual which excludes the love for others is not love, love for one’s own theology that is not part of one’s love for the body of Christ is not love, but is, rather, idolatry.

An anonymous collective, left to its own devices, quickly builds a theology out of rage and hate. Those who oppose this theology will be eliminated. Enemies of this theology are to be dealt with swiftly and severely. Anonymous does not forgive. Anonymous does not forget. Anonymous is devoid of humanity, morality, pity and mercy. Anonymous works as one, because none of us are as cruel as all of us. Anonymous cannot be harmed, no matter how many Anonymous may fall in battle. Anonymous is a hydra, constantly moving, constantly changing. Remove one head, and ten replace it. Anonymous reinforces its ranks exponentially at need.

Anonymous is legion.

New Director of Southeastern Business College, New Boston Campus

I have been teaching business communications at Southeastern Business College in New Boston, Ohio, for almost two years now. The college has just been purchased by the Daymar Colleges Group from Owensboro, Kentucky. Because Southeastern Business College in New Boston was owned by Samuel Stephen College in Chillicothe, Ohio, and because Samuel Stephen College had four campuses, there has been considerable reorganization and realignment of duties and responsibilities.

When they began to look for a new director for the New Boston campus, I applied for the job. In addition to my abilities as an instructor, I thought I brought a serious concern for the welfare of the students to the table. In their evaluations of me, my students have always indicated that they felt I brought more to the classroom than simply knowledge of the subject. They have felt that I have a passion to give them the tools they need to be successful. They are right.

So called "non-traditional students" have for years been treated like throwaways. It is true that many of them, in their secondary education careers, did not take advantage of all the opportunities available to them. For whatever reason, they let their education fall through the cracks. But now they are ready to get back to business. Redemption is possible.

I am excited by the opportunity I have to help turn Southeastern Business College into an educational institution that truly changes lives one student at a time. SBC is perfect for people who want to earn a meaningful degree and get out into the job market quickly.

As I get settled into the job and great things begin to happen, I'll write more about this. In the meantime, I start on Monday.

The Annual Scholarship Program of the Kiwanis Club of Portsmouth and the Portsmouth East Key Club

The Kiwanis Club of Portsmouth, Ohio, part of the world-wide Kiwanis service organization, is made up of men and women who desire personal involvement in the leadership and improvement of the Portsmouth community.

This club performs local community service with a special emphasis on assistance to youth. It is this special interest in area youth that motivated the club to initiate a scholarship fund that provides an annual scholarship to deserving area students.

Since its founding in 1921, this club has been serving the Portsmouth area. From that time, its motto has been, "We Build," and in this tradition it seeks to assist, in yet another way, "to build" for the future and for the betterment of individual and community.

The Kiwanis Scholarship is awarded each year by the Kiwanis Club of Portsmouth to qualified and deserving high school graduates of Scioto County schools who want to pursue coursework leading to a degree at Shawnee State University. The scholarship provides total funding of up to $1,000 during the first academic year that is paid directly to Shawnee State University on a semester basis.

To be eligible to apply for the scholarship a student must meet the following conditions:

1. The applicant must be a member of the graduating class in the year in which the award is presented.
2. The applicant must reside in and be attending high school in Scioto County, Ohio.
3. The applicant must rank scholastically in the top one-third of his or her graduating class.
4. The applicant must be sincerely interested in a degree at Shawnee State University.

For more information, or to apply for this scholarship, go to the Kiwanis Scholarships page of the website for the Kiwanis Club of Portsmouth, Ohio. The application must be postmarked by April 30.

Groundhog Day

Ever since my father died, my mother has been stuck in this endless loop. Like Phil Connors in the movie, Groundhog Day, she seems cursed to live a day over and over. For her, however, it is not Groundhog Day; it is the day of my father's death. Because of things I have been through, I've been guilty of shooting off my mouth and saying that God does not do these tragic things to us, but that, through his grace, God can take the most horrible thing that ever happened to you and turn it into a blessing. No matter how hard I look, I can't find this blessing in this situation.

Because of peripheral neuropathy, my mother can't walk. That fact confines her to a nursing home facility. She also has short-term memory issues. When my father was alive, he would go down from his assisted-living apartment to her room in the health care ward. They are in the same building. He would go down there right after he had breakfast and would stay there until she was ready for bed in the evening. If she took a nap during the middle of the day, he would take care of himself then. While he was with her, he was her anchor in the present.

Mom has good days and bad days. On her good days she sits with other residents of the court where she lives and talks as much as is possible with her hearing loss. She sometimes gets involved in activities the staff puts together. On bad days, she stays in her room and cries, asking, "Where is Basil? Why hasn't he come down to see me today?" Then someone on the staff has to tell her that he died, starting her grief all over again at square one.

Where can the blessing possibly be in something like this? In Groundhog Day, Connors faces the same sort of thing but in a much less devastating sort of way. Eventually he gets sick and tired of it so he kidnaps Punxsutawney Phil, hoping that if he kills him, the cycle will stop. After a police chase, he drives a stolen truck into a quarry, killing both himself and the groundhog in a fiery explosion. But even death doesn't stop the day from repeating. After he dies, he simply wakes up in the same old bed listening to Sonny & Cher. He knows he's living the day over again; my mother doesn't. If she killed herself, it would break the loop, but where is the justice in that?

Where is the justice in any of this? Yeah, I know, "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding." Well, I don't have understanding. That's the whole point and a smart-ass answer doesn't help a thing.

Keeping a Holy Lent

The first Christians observed with great devotion the days of our Lord's passion and resurrection, and it became the custom of the Church to prepare for them by a season of penitence and fasting. This season of Lent provided a time in which converts to the faith were prepared for Holy Baptism. It was also a time when those who, because of notorious sins, had been separated from the body of the faithful were reconciled by penitence and forgiveness and restored to the fellowship of the Church. Thereby, the whole congregation was put in mind of the message of pardon and absolution set forth in the Gospel of our Savior, and of the need which all Christians continually have to renew their repentance and faith.

Observing Lent

The custom is to mark the season of Lent by giving up some things and/or taking on others. Both can serve to mark the season as a holy time of preparation. Some examples of things people give up for Lent include sweets, meat for all or some meals, and alcohol. In most cases, giving up something for Lent can be made more meaningful by using the money or time for another purpose. For example, meal times on fast days could be spent in prayer. If you give up meat during Lent, the extra money that would go to meat dishes can be given to a group that works to end hunger. Some things added during Lent are daily Bible reading, fasting on Fridays, times of prayer or taking a course of study related in some way to spirituality.

Note that the season of Lent is forty days plus the six Sundays. This is because Sundays are celebrations of Jesus’ resurrection and are always an appropriate day to lessen the restrictions of Lent. If you have, for example, given up chocolate for Lent, you could indulge in a weekly candy bar on Sunday. Lent is also an especially appropriate time for the sacrament of confession. While confession to a priest is not required to receive God’s forgiveness, it can be a meaningful rite of reconciliation with God.

Special Days and Services

Shrove Tuesday

This is actually the day before Lent begins. The day is named for the “shriving” or confessing that was traditional on this day before beginning Lent. This day is also known as Mardi Gras, or “Fat Tuesday,” because it was a time for eating the things from which one would abstain during Lent. Pancake suppers are traditional as they were a way of using up some of the ingredients not needed during Lent.

Ash Wednesday

The first day of Lent is marked with a special liturgy. The theme for the day, though not for all of Lent, is that we stand as sinners condemned to die, except for God’s grace. This is symbolized by the imposition of ashes on the forehead, with the words, “You are dust and to dust you shall return.” In the Old Testament, ashes were a sign of penitence (feeling regretful for offenses) and mourning. Ash Wednesday is one of two days of special observance (the other being Good Friday) for which fasting is recommended. While this usually refers going without food for the entire day, this practice is not practical for all persons, including, but not limited to, diabetics. Use your own discretion in determining how you can best observe this day.

Palm Sunday

This Sunday before Easter is the last Sunday in Lent. The day commemorates Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem with a blessing of palms and a procession in which the whole congregation carries palms. The day is also marked by reading the story of Jesus’ passion (the word used to describe Jesus’ death comes from “suffering,” which is one old meaning of passion). Some of the Palm Sunday palms are kept and used to make the Ash Wednesday ashes for the next year.

Maundy Thursday

This is the Thursday in Holy Week (the week leading up to Easter). The day is a time for remembering The Last Supper. The name comes from the Latin word “Maundatum” for “commandment” as Jesus said, “I give you a new commandment; that you love one another.” At the conclusion of this service, altars are stripped of any ornamentation and crosses are removed or veiled to mark the solemnness of the occasion.

Good Friday

The Friday in Holy Week is a time for remembering Jesus’ death. Traditionally there is a Good Friday service at noon as Jesus hung on the cross from noon until 3 p.m. There may also be an evening service. This is the second day of special observance for which fasting is recommended. One should use discretion in decided how best to observe this day. There is no celebration of Communion from Maundy Thursday until the Easter Vigil on late Saturday or early Sunday. However, it is customary in many churches to give out the elements of communion blessed during the Maundy Thursday service.

The Easter Vigil

This service is appropriate from after sunset on Holy Saturday until sunrise Easter morning. This was the traditional time of baptism in the early centuries of Christianity. This service begins in darkness and a new fire is lit, from which the Christ candle is lighted. It signifies the light of Christ coming into the world anew at the resurrection. This service ends the season of Lent and begins the joy of the Easter season.

Stations of the Cross

These are depictions of 14 incidents in the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ death from Pilate’s house to being placed in the tomb. They are used for the service called the Way of the Cross, which visits each station in turn with a brief reading, response, collect (prayer) and on some occasions, a meditation. This is particularly appropriate for Good Friday and all Fridays in Lent.

Refreshment Sunday

The fourth Sunday of Lent has long been observed as a day for completely relaxing the disciplines of Lent. It is also known as Mothering Sunday as this was the first Mother’s Day and a traditional time for remembering your mother.

Let us, therefore, join in the observance of a holy Lent, by self-examination and repentance; by prayer, fasting, and self-denial; and by reading and meditating on God's holy Word.

Basil Curnutte, Jr., 1923 - 2008. Go with God.

Basil Curnutte, Jr., age 84, of Manhattan, Kansas, died Tuesday, January 22, 2008, at the Mercy Regional Health Center in Manhattan.

He was born on March 1, 1923, in Portsmouth, Ohio, the son of Basil and Lula Alafare (Cooper) Curnutte. After graduating from high school, Basil studied for a year at The Ohio State University while he waited for his appointment to the United States Naval Academy the next year. He proudly served for four years during World War II, being discharged with the rank of Lieutenant. He returned to Ohio State University and received his Ph.D. in Physics. In 1954, he began his career as an Assistant Professor of Physics at Kansas State University. He was a Professor of Physics from 1964 until his retirement in 1988.

On June 10, 1945, he was united in marriage with Mary Lukemire in Portsmouth, Ohio. This union was blessed with two sons: William and Gregory. For over 62 years of marriage, they rarely left each other's side and continued their daily visits until his passing. Basil and Mary loved to travel and visit their children and grandchildren.

He was preceded in death by his parents, brothers: Leroy, David and George; sister: Betty Jane Rothrock; and an infant grandson: Kyle Morgan Curnutte.

Survivors include his wife Mary of the home; sons: William of Portsmouth, Ohio, and Gregory of Portland, Oregon; 4 grandchildren: Kyla Jordan Curnutte, Jennifer Anne Curnutte, Shannon Joanne Curnutte and Erin Margaret Curnutte. He is also survived by many nieces, nephews and friends.

A Requiem Mass was held at 10:30 a.m., Saturday, January 26, 2008, at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, Manhattan, with Father Tom Miles officiating. Inurnment was in the church columbarium. There was a reception at St. Paul’s following the service.

Memorial contributions may be made to St. Paul’s Episcopal Church or to the Basil & Mary Curnutte Scholarship of Physics at the Kansas State University Foundation.

His friends and colleagues from the Department of Physics at Kansas State University where he worked for his entire career of 35 years and then hung out there for almost another 20 years, said this about him in a memorial on the department web site:

Basil Curnutte joined our faculty shortly after receiving his PhD. He spent his academic career as a member of the KSU Physics faculty and retired in 1988. During his career he was someone that many of us (now senior) faculty members regularly sought out for advice. He could always be counted on to help faculty and students understand the environment of both the University and the Department. Of course, this advice was frequently accompanied by a story or a (usually bad) joke that illustrated his point.

Certainly much of what our Department is today is a reflection of Bas' calm but persistent efforts, particularly his efforts on behalf of students.

Basil was a Fellow of the Optical Society and a former president of the Kansas Academy of Sciences.

The National Science Foundation Class of 1952

List of articles by Basil Curnutte from Google Scholar

So much for an obituary. This was my father and to try to sum up his life this way seems so puny. He was so much more than this to my brother, Greg, and me. This was the man who taught us things even more important than physics. Like how to think. And how to fly fish.

I'm still at a loss what to say, but I'll be back to add things as they surface.

A consummation devoutly to be wished

Over at his blog, PRELUDIUM, Mark Harris has posted a lovely essay in which he prognosticates about what is going to happen in "Anglican-Land" in 2008. I commend the whole essay to you, but there are two particular prognostications that resonate with me in a special way. They are related, so I'm going to talk about them together.

Under the heading, "I am pretty sure," he says, "No matter which way the suits go [lawsuits over Episcopal church property], the body of believers that get left outside the building will find delight in beginning again and those inside will feel free of old nagging fights. It will be well finally for all their souls. We might all actually learn something from fresh starts and renewed communities (or is that only a hope?)"

Under the heading, "I am less sure, but lean toward the following possibilities," he says, "By virtue of hard work by a number of progressives there will be further work on a theology of Grace in creation that will contribute to an understanding of full participation of all baptized persons in all vocations to holy living for the healing of the world, a Gospel agenda."

Those of you who have read much here know that the story of the Prodigal Son has been an overwhelming influence in my life. Among other things, that story deals with sibling rivalry: the problem we humans have been dealing with since Cain murdered Abel. (I know what follows is very simplified, so bear with me.) What we have in the story of the Prodigal Son and what we have in Anglican-Land today are two different kinds of children. The first are those who have lived their lives largely dependent on God's grace. The second are those have lived their lives largely by obedience. Unfortunately, neither of these extremes sees that the father refuses to make a choice between them. As much as each one wants to be the father's favorite, it ain't gonna happen. The father wants nothing more than to have his sons reconciled to each other, and thus to him.

He gave the younger son his share of the inheritance and waited patiently and lovingly (to say nothing of being very worried) for the younger son to come home. Since then, he has been out in the courtyard for 2,000 years waiting for the older son to come inside and join the party for his brother. Each son has something the other one needs desperately and the father wants them to share their gifts with one another. If the younger son is going to survive his coming home, he needs some of his brother's obedience and devotion. If the older son is not going to remain forever estranged from both his brother and his father, he needs some of his brother's brokenness and humility.

Harris says but questions, "We might all actually learn something from fresh starts and renewed communities (or is that only a hope?)" I think it is more than a hope. I think it is Jesus's own vision in the story of the two sons and their father. It is the vision that once the sons quit worrying about who is right and who has received the larger share of the inheritance and then embrace each other to work through their imperfection toward their father's will, they will answer their father the same way the woman from Shunem answered Elisha. When he asked her, "Is there peace with thee?" she answered, "Peace," even though her only son had just died.

With apologies to Isaiah, when this all comes to pass, "The wolf shall live with the lamb, the leopard shall lie down with the kid," the reappraiser, the reasserter, the liberal and orthodox together, "and a little child shall lead them." If the "further work on a theology of Grace in creation that will contribute to an understanding of full participation of all baptized persons in all vocations to holy living for the healing of the world, a Gospel agenda" contributes to the fulfilling of Isaiah's prophecy, then God bless those who work on it.

Once all people are included equally in the Kingdom of the Lord, that theology of Grace will have become incarnate.

St. Thomas of Canterbury

On this day when we commemorate Thomas a Becket and the murder in the Cathedral, I simply want to point you to a beautiful piece about him. I also find that it reminds me very much of what is going on in the Diocese of San Joaquin today. See if you agree.

The article is here.

If I don't write again before New Year's Eve, please be safe. I hope your new year is all you wish for it to be.